Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
