how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You ruined the universe
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
