i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
