would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
