Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
