"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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