I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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