She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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