I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
