the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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