dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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