he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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