Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
