It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
