I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
