I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
