does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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