Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
