Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
