I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
