eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
