i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
