dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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