Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
