My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize