so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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