Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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