dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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