is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
