it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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