The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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