Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
