Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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