What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
