I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
