I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
