btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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