This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
