I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
