May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
