He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
