hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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