I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
