I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
