so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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