i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
