I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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