So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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