No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize