I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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