i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
