I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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