Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize