I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
