well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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