giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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