OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
