So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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