I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
