sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
