i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
