Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
