he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
