You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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