I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize