she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
